Notes

Notes from a 2 hour over-lunch presentation on some new program we have to use, transcribed from my notebook.

• I think this presentation is going to kill me. Seriously I'm worried I might die in this room looking at text animations in a power-point presentation. Oh God, I could be eating a hamburger right now, or running through a field.
• I should fly my kite more. I found it when I moved, but I have taken it out yet. there might be too many trees in the park near my house.
• ISO 2001 compatibility!
• If I die in this room, are my financial affairs in order?
• Streamlined channels of internal and external communication
• I saw a robin on the way to work this morning
• I'm so excited that we're going to see how tech support used to enter tickets, but won't anymore.
• There sure are a lot of boxes on this slide
• Oh, there's not enough boxes, he needs to draw some more on the easel.
• Things that would get me out of this meeting:
• Fire in building
• boss comes grabs me for emergency work (no good, boss and boss' boss in meeting)
• laptop failure (but he might have the presentation memorized)
• Emergency call from relative
• self-injury
• 1, 5 or even 20 service calls will be related to a single problem ticket!
• 1 change request
• 1 incident report
• oooh, fight fight fight fight fight! Linux vs. Windows. vs. Mac.
• Windows wins
• No one else is taking notes. I hope no one important asks to look at my notes
• D. brought his laptop. Why didn't I bring my laptop? I guess that's why he's a director.
• Presenter's got MSN open and connected. Hope he gets an IM
• "Hey sexy bear!"
• "r u still in the dum meeting?"
• I don't want to sound like a snob, but after using a Mac for a while, looking at this circa 2000 Windows app, it feels like it's cutting my eyes.
• I really hope no one asks to look at my notes
• He keeps saying that he's going to send us all this info later
• Tabs:
• General
• Assignment
• History
• Relations
• Hee hee, 'relations'
• Mr President, did you or did you not have relations with this software?
• Ha ha ha, office humor
• Assignment, relations, General, History: A.R.G.H.
• Oh, so that's how email works, you send it and someone else gets it. Now I know
• Ha ha ha, physical abuse is HILARIOUS
• Actually, right now physical abuse would be hilarious. Physical abuse would be frickin' Eddie Murphy in the 80's right now
• Oh I get it, the whole thing is an elaborate system for departments to c.y.a. and have an excuse for not doing anything
• The phone on the table here can connect to any other phone in the world. I could be talking to anyone in the world with a phone. That is amazing
• A. is trying to claw his own eyes out
• Pizza break! Now that I've had one slice of pizza and some caffiene, my previous notes seem mean and petty
• This application has hundreds of screens. Every screen has at least 20 options. Every button goes to another screen, every drop-down has 700 options
• It must have taken 200 developers just to type in this much UI text
• [diagram of software quality vs number of developers. It peaks at 'Excellent' at 6, then drops off rapidly. It is below 'Bad" at 200.]
• The entire screen is now filled with sub-sub-sub-sub-menus
• Presenter
• cell phone calls received: 2
• Complaints about slow laptop: 18
• Yeah, that's right, I'm writing a lot. So what? Big deal! You want to fight about buddy? Yeah, that's what I thought.
• I made a joke, everyone laughed
• Holy Christmas! We're going to be modifying this application ourselves while we're using it in production. What could possibly go wrong?
• D. left during the pizza break, I didn't even notice he was gone until just now. crafty!
• A sales guy just came in, took a slice of pizza and left! Right in the middle of our meeting! Why can't I live my life with balls like that?
• Change = death
• I wonder what the least amount of physical movement is I can do that would make A. crack up?
• raised eyebrow at exactly the right time
• spit on someone (not practical)
• write, look at him, write furiously
• eyebrow didn't work
• Boxes!
• Can you get high sniffing white-board markers?
• Ah, so this is what it sounds like when doves cry
• Everyone that walks by this room looks in and pities us. We are the damned.
• Guy in the corner looks close to tears
• 4 minutes left on the official clock. Will this game go in to overtime?
• Abandon ship! To the escape pods!
• I wonder if I could coordinate, via subtle hand signals, a big simultaneous sigh.
• That's the buzzer! the ref is consulting with his linesmen...
• A. is reading a page of Emacs short-cuts and commands. I wish I'd brought something to read. book, magazing, ingredients list from a chocolate bar.
• O. is drawing a picture of A. looking frustrated and tired. It's pretty good.
  
• The ref says two minutes of extra time. someone else has the room booked. Manna from heaven.