New ancient traditions

So, Holiday Season 2007 is officially over, and we've got about a month and a half until the first Ontario Family Day.

Given that the two previous holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas cram a cranberry stuffed, tinsel covered, holly-jolly, passive-aggressive, mandatory two-ton football of family down our collective throat, I humbly suggest that it's high time that we reclaim Family Day from Hallmark and "big-family" go back to the origins of this ancient holiday, re-christen it "Chosen Family Day", and stay as far the hell away from our genetic antecedents as possible.

It was pointed out to me recently that we are presented with a unique opportunity this first Family Day, this is a new holiday and we, right here, right now, have the chance to come up with new traditions and observances. This is my suggested list:

• Group singing of "Everyday People" by Sly and the Family Stone
• Annual airing of The Family Guy Star Wars episode
• The traditional ordering of Chinese Takeout and the reading of the fortune cookies (postpended with either "...in bed" or "...between your legs")
• Mandatory participation in a game of Eat Poop You Cat
• Family Day Resolutions, in which New Year's Resolutions are examined, assessed and possibly redacted.
• Group re-gifting / swap meet.